Since this is our first publication, we will endeavor to bring you along slowly with just a bit of our most fake news items of the day. We hope that you will take everything we say seriously or not.
As reported in the media all over the world, a fantabulus effort by the Trumpanick has given the United States the lead in interstellar travel. His highly developed intelligence and infallible memory has brought us to the brink of travelling to far off places in the universe.
The announcement by his press secretary Satch Zanders, was surprising since Donny Liddle Hands has not tweeted about this subject at all. His plans include a stop on the rings of Saturn, the planet Youranus and a hop skip and jump to Alpha Centauri.
This will not cost the taxpayers anything. It will be funded by both Guatemala and Panama. The foreign ministers of both countries disclaim any knowledge of this effort. However, the Prez says that he will get the money from them one way or the other.
In the world of foreign relations, the latest news from the Far East is that we are no longer interested in a nuclear threat from North Korea. An agreement has been made that the North will only use its nuclear weapons on South Korea. The President of South Korea was aghast at this declaration and hopes that this is all some misunderstanding or mistranslation.
The world of female genital grabbing is now at a point where old men, such as GHW Bush are now being accused of pushing his wheel chair into position to pinch rear ends. Further investigations into these matters goes as far back as the 1920’s and 1930’s. We now understand that Long John Dong, the famous character actor was an inveterate grabber. The granddaughter of Sewer Rat Barbie, a silent movie star, claims that her grandma swore that she would never be on a stage with that human grabber again. This was a climax of many years of harassing movements and phone calls.
Figures on the right, left and center of the political spectrum are now coming out of hiding and telling us all that this has been habitual all along. Although power is seen as the instigation of these activities, this reporter thinks that it is sexual and that the aim is sexual gratification that these folks can’t get at home. Many of their extra-marital hand motions lead to divorce.
Very recently, the Bush, father and son, have conspired to heap trash on our beloved President. In a new book called, The Meshugena, the Bushes excoriate the current President by claiming that he was not born in this country. They say that he was the love child of French singer Edith Piaf and Maurice Chevalier. They claim that after extensive investigation, they have, in their possession the actual long form birth certificate. This certificate states plainly that a male child was born in Clichy Hospital in Paris in 1946. The named mother is on the certificate is Edith Giovanna Gassion (the real name of Edith Piaf) and the named father is Jacques Clouseau (obviously a pseudonym of Maurice Chevalier).
The President promises to release his income tax forms for the past eight years, as soon as meaningful tax reform and actual repeal and replacement of Obamacare are accomplished. However, he will not release them until the IRS completes their audits.