THE RETURN OF DENZEL GOLDFARB

If you have been reading this blog for a while, maybe the name Denzel Goldfarb strikes a familiar chord. I had to look back six years to find the description that I wrote of him. If you have a need to, you can go back to January 21, 2011 and read the original. That’s not hard to do. The months and years are on the side of the website.

The reason he comes to mind is that Carol and I met him in Savannah last week. It certainly was not a planned visit and had I been more alert, I might have hid my head when he saw me. I was greeted with a giant hello and the usual embarrassing voice and hug. The woman who Denzel was with was not his 5th wife (she was Chinese). This woman was of the Occidental kind and was about 30 years younger than Denzel.

Since Denzel is the same age as me (78), I expect that she was in her mid-30’s. She was rather nice looking and appeared to be happy with Denzel on her arm.

I wish that I could have been smart enough to tell Denzel that we had a previous appointment, but I did not. Carol kind of nudged me to get away from his presence, but that did not work. Since we were in Savannah, we had done a little sightseeing and were ready to go to lunch. We tried to excuse ourselves, but that didn’t work. We found ourselves in Grffyndor, a restaurant that used to be a pharmacy.

Without so much as an introduction to his new partner, Goldfarb began to regale us with his history since our last encounter. I hope you understand that everything that he said was a complete falsehood, a lie, an untruth, not a mischaracterization, nor taken out of context. It was pure and simple- a lie.

Since we did not have any commune for a number of years, we were amazed at his ability to create a story out of whole cloth that would fill in the gaps. He told us that he had been around the world accumulating secret remedies for many diseases, including cancer. His partner (we really never knew her name) bobbed her head at certain intervals to lend credence to his stories.

AS he found these secret cures, he would have them developed into pills that could be sold in certain stores here in the U.S. He had the dosages developed by an apothecary on the Greek Island of Monos. He made sure that he had the distribution rights tacked down and began to advertise on the net.

The business was amazingly successful and he began to see the products appear at various locations in GNC stores, Walmart, other chains across the country. He made sure that he was not advertising falsely and did not run afoul of the FDA. He was delighted to see that the present administration in Washington was letting some strings go at the FDA making it easier for drugs to come to market.

His crowning achievement, he said, was that he was contacted by the Royal family in Saudi Arabia (if you read my earlier blog about the King of Morocco, this will sound familiar), and asked if he could make a stopover in Riyadh to visit King Abdullah. He, of course agreed, and was soon made an honorary Saudi with full rights to live in that country if he so chose.

He claimed that the royal family was impressed with his products and wanted an open line of credit so that they could obtain the medications whenever they ran out Of course Denzel agreed.

His stories continued without surcease, with the occasional head bobbings from his partner. Carol had been hitting my knee for most of the lunch. She was so anxious to get out of there. She was so annoyed that she actually got up from the table and excused herself to go to the ladies room. As she was leaving, she whispered that she would not be coming back and that I should meet her in the car.

Denzel had no idea of what was happening. He was such a narcissist, that other people’s actions had no effect on him. When I told him that we had to leave, he kind of stopped his story for a moment. The waiter came over with the check. Denzel reached for his wallet and declared “I must have left it in the car.” That was my signal to pay for the meal and get out of there fast. I handed the waiter my credit card and saw Denzel get up from the table with this partner and make for the exit, while exclaiming, “Great to see you Arthur, must do this again sometime.”

Could it really be that he did not remember my name? Or, was it one of his shtick? I walked back to where our car was parked and saw Carol looking at her phone. I got into the car and started it. Carol began laughing hysterically. I looked at her and said, “What’s so funny?”

“Both of us knew he was lying through his false teeth, but the lies were so interesting. I looked him up on the web. If he had done anything at all like what he said, he would have made the papers somewhere. And I did find him. Four years ago he was sentenced to federal prison for impersonating a doctor and selling pills from a website that claimed cures for many diseases, including cancer. The feds finally caught up with him and sent him to jail for seven years. He was paroled recently and must pay fines and perform copious hours of community service.”

“The woman he was with is actually his sixth wife. They met when he was in jail. She saw his story on a news program and fell in love with him immediately. They were married by the warden of the prison.”

I can see that you cannot believe that such a person exists. However, that would not be true. I have changed a number of  facts, but Denzel Goldfarb actually does exist.

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