SEX IN YOUR SEVENTIES

Nope, I will not be discussing or discoursing about our private activities in the bedroom or elsewhere.

We moved here about 9 months ago. I have described Sun City, South Carolina as adult Disneyworld. Evidently, I was not even close to the frivolity awash here. What you don’t want to do is think of this place as God’s waiting room. If you do, you will be surprised at what goes on before you are called to explain the tawdry things that you did in your life.

We live on a street that looks like any other in this sprawling community of 14,000. Each section was built and inhabited at the same time. The people who purchased homes in each of the sections pretty much moved in at the same time and became friends. As time passed, and new sections were built, the same thing happened all over again. As I understand it, there is only one more section to be built before the development is complete. It will have taken about 22 years for this process to end.

The above explanation gives you some idea of how this place operates. Its rules are pretty rigid. You may not really do anything to your home without the expressed and written permission of the community association. There are no for sale signs, no lawn ornaments that are over one foot tall. You may not have religious displays, although Christmas and Easter don’t count.

As you enter each section, you are greeted with a sign that describes where you are and sometimes, on such holidays as St. Patrick’s Day, the sign may be adorned with green ribbon or the photo of a bottle of Guinness.

So, it came as a complete surprise to us when some of our neighbors, who have lived her since this section were built, told us of the goings on of a few years ago. Evidently, one of the homes on this block was the center of sexual activity for many of the grey panthers in Sun City. I am still not sure how long this HIR (House of Ill Repute) was active, but it must have been a while. Here is how it worked.

The woman who was in charge of this home would call down to the gate to enable men from outside the community to pass through to her home. People in the neighborhood began to be suspicious and reported it to the higher ups in the community. An investigation ensued and the woman moved out of the community. Wait, that’s not all.

I know this will startle you. Those of you who are enamored of pineapples will surely not believe this. If you happen to plant a pineapple tree in your yard, or have a pineapple flag flapping in the breeze or actually have a real pineapple or anything resembling a pineapple, you were then identifying yourself as a swinger. How many people this involved in the larger community, no one seems to know. However, I have not seen a hint of pineapple anywhere since we have lived here.

Further, if a man is a widower, he should be prepared to gain some weight. Local women, whose husbands had passed away, would bombard the now single man with casseroles. It appears that this has become a tradition. If the man went to a pool, he would be surrounded by a gaggle (is that the right word for a group of older women) of women anxious to speak to him. There are certainly advantages to be in a place that affords people the ability to meet new folks

The final stroke in this tale of sex is the incidence of STDs. The largest number of STDs in the county exists here in our community. It is a startling statistic, but I can see how it might be true. You might want to think about why that might be true.