A CHRISTMAS, CHANUKAH, NEW YEARS LETTER.

Dear Everyone in General, Sorry for the lack of communications during the entire year. We have been so busy, that we just could not put pen to paper or finger to touch pad. Can you believe that after all of these years, that we finally have a kitchen? We had been using a hotplate and logs in a burn barrel to make most of our meals. The fire department came by at the beginning of last year and told us that if we did not get some sort of regular stove and a kitchen, that we would be thrown out of the truck that we live in. Fortunately, we went to the city dump and scrounged an old stove and some wooden boxes for cabinets and an old ice box to use. We have been putting ice from the lake and snow to keep things cold. It’s all working for the better. Vance started a new job this past year. His unemployment and welfare ran out at the same time and he was forced to look for some work. He thought about hiring himself out as a bottle opener at various bars in the area, but with the advent of twist off caps, there did not seem to be any call for that skill. He finally found a job at a movie theater in the neighborhood where he scrapes gum off the floors and seats. They give him a can of carbon dioxide and he freezes the gum and it cracks in his hands. He does get some overtime work, once in a while, vacuuming up public hairs in the restrooms. I am still working at K-Mart as a part time greeter and handicapped assistant in the ladies room. If there are any people with disabilities, I go into the bathroom with their wheelchairs, help them onto the john, and wipe their parts when they are through. I have met some interesting people that way. I am up for promotion soon and hope to become the person who empties out the combustible trash from the paint department. Right after Vance got his new job, we thought about getting a car. We looked all around and found a small used car called a Corvair. We saw it in a garage near to where we live. The only thing wrong with it were the burn marks on the back. However, we did open the hood and saw that the motor was perfectly clean. As a matter of fact, you couldn’t really tell that it was a motor it was so spotless. We had go get a new battery, 4 new tires and something called a universal joint. We hope that we will be able to drive it in the Spring. We have been kind of busy visiting with people and going to various functions. At the beginning of last year, Imelda Feldspar, Vance’s sister got pregnant by her dad Aloysius. We had a big party and a baby naming. Imelda’s boyfriend Harley was there and he did not look too happy. The baby was named Ringworm, after Vance’s grandfather. We also went to a dance at the American Legion. They had the greatest music. They played all of my old favorites from World War iI. Commander Ferd Cornhusker gave the most patriotic speech that I have ever heard. He talked about all the young men who had given their lives for their country and the families that stayed home to support them by dancing to all of the tunes from those years. Vance and I celebrated our 10th year anniversary by going to a movie sponsored by the local Alanon chapter. We were lucky enough to be there for the music of the Renal Failures and their lead singer Simon Cirrhosis. We danced the night away. The chips and pop flowed like the stink from an overloaded garbage truck. We had a great time .During the Christmas season, we went back for a reunion of our old elementary school. Most of the teachers that we had were dead or retired or could not make it. The students who were there seemed to have a good time remembering all of our merry pranks. Funny, how you remember the good times- like blowing up the teacher’s lavaratory, Supergluing Mr. Pedophile’s tie to his shirt, outing Lavernia Misanthrope to the whole school and stuff like that. The learning part seems to have gotten lost in our brains. Just wondering if things would have changed if we went past 5th grade. Oh, well no use complaining, no one listens. We had so many wonderful events to go to this past year- so many celebrations. Our good friends, the Nebbishes had a wedding reception at the Grange for their daughter Ima after she and her boyfriend had some kids. It was a real wingding of an event-lots of aged malt liquor, sandwiches on white bread, and good snacks. I wish all of you could have been at this party. We were sick for three days afterwards from botulism poisoning. It was worth every trip to the bathroom. We also made some cultural trips this year. We went to the farm show arena and saw the manufactured housing show. You know that they unveil their newest double-wides each year. I really want one of those when we have enough money. We also saw two movies- Revenge of the Nerds and Gidget goes to Hawaii. We also saw a travel video at Marcia and Hal Lampoon’s trailer called Debbie Does Dallas. I’m still not sure what all of that had to do with travelling to Texas, but you know these modern film makers. Our best cultural event was when we went to Philadelphia and saw the front steps of the Art Museum where they made the picture, “Rocky.” I was never so thrilled. Vance wanted to go inside and see what they had in there, but I told him it could not be as good as seeing the steps and statue. That was our year. We hope that you a great 2015 and have our good wishes go with you for 2016. Vance and Verna Feldspar

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