PICAYUNE PEEVES

Throughout my life, I have been called Pollyana, a person who has rose colored contact lenses, and an insufferable chaser of dreams. As with any normal human being, I do have a dark side. I have been working on controlling my temper, with the aid of my wife, for the past 50 years. I have not quite mastered the art of walking away from a fight. My annoyances are many, according to my wife and children and these are just a few of them.

• I am blissfully strolling down the aisles at the local food emporium and a blue haired old woman, pushes me out of the way to get her next fix of Contadina tomato paste
• I am coming on to a freeway and have to wait till the traffic clears, but the car behind me cuts in front of me so that I have to swerve to the shoulder of the road
• Mothers and fathers who have their children on leashes as they walk through stores
• Spam on the net that advertise cures for erectile dysfunction- it’s as if they are targeting men of my generation
• The automatic increase in volume on an advertisements that you see on t.v.
• The plethora of motorized vehicles that enable you to live a normal life while turning in ever decreasing concentric circles
• Bullying school superintendents of big cities who expect to improve the children’s education by screaming at teachers, teacher unions and uncooperative politicians
• Telephone solicitors with things that are too good to be true
• People who know the true path to anything
• Car salesmen who are always going to their manager for a better price
• News shows that never really give you any news
• Self important athletes who believe that they have much to give to the world
• Sitting next to a loud cell phone talker who washes over you with his talk about how he seduced his neighbor’s wife.
• People who are much fatter than me who give me nutrition advice
• The times when my wife jabs me in my ribs and tells me that I am driving too fast
• Waiting in any kind of line to do anything
• Calling a help desk and being entertained by someone who doesn’t really speak English but calls himself Bruce
• People who tell me to take them off my blog list
• Checkbooks that don’t balance
• People who smoke next to me at the casino
• Misplacing an important paper and then finding it on my desk
• Putting on a pair of slacks that I purchased last week and discovering that they have shrunk
• My inability to button some of my shirts
• Having to change the sheets on a triple bunk bed
• Having to deal with friends who are really going deaf and are constantly saying “What”
• Just thinking about hot tuna casseroles
• Finding a bone in a fish fillet that was guaranteed not to have any bones
• An inattentive server who expects a big tip ( my mom was a waitress for 35 years)
• Restaurants that are out of the time that I was going to order
• Constantly losing my gloves
• Sitting in a theater or movie with no one in the row in front of me and then having a 6 foot 7 inch person slide in
• Getting stopped at every single red light as I am driving through a city
• When my automatic garage door opener does not work
• Shaving off facial hair and having no one notice for a week

If you have nothing to do, make a list of your own and send it to me.

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