HOLIDAY LETTERS

( Each Christmas, ( or Chanukah), most of us get letters from people that we have not heard from the entire year. In many cases these letters are long and explanatory. I am sure that the people who send them believe that they are doing you a service. (If you are one of those people, this may not appeal to you).

Dear ( name of person written in by hand),
Has it been a whole year since I sent you the last letter? It doesn’t seem possible. This has been quite a year and very exciting too. If you remember last year, I told you that Fred had lost his job at the plastic bag factory, when he almost lost consciousness when putting one of the bags over his head. He certainly did not do it on purpose, and the directions for use were not that clear. Well, he was on unemployment since last January and he finally ran out of benefits. So, he thought that he would get another job.

Fred was so lucky. The first place that he went to was the local Multiplex Theater. He is now in charge of freezing all of the gum from the seats and scraping them off. This seems to be just a stepping stone to the next rung on the ladder. He is slated to become in charge of taking all of the garbage from the theater down to the local dump. Since he has to divide them into recylclables and garbage, I went out and bought him some rubber gloves at the dollar store. I sure hope he gets that promotion.

Our daughters Fawn and Bambi, each got pregnant this year. They both had great boy friends who promise to stick with them till they graduate from high school. They also promised to send the girls money for their children. One of the boys, Slick, belongs to some kind of club that rides motorcycles. The other boy, Ramrod, works at a local bar as a bouncer. That must be very dangerous. I am hoping when the girls turn sixteen that they can leave the kids with me and go out and start to work and contribute to household expenses.

We always knew that Bruce was different than other boys. At first we thought that he had some sort of mental condition. He dropped out of school in 10th grade and started to hang out at the mall with boys who liked to dress up in skirts and blouses. I thought that they were advertising some of the stores in the mall when they walked around in those. We did finally find out that Bruce was gay and that we would soon come out of the closet. We are not sure what that means, but Bruce tells us that it is a good thing and we believe him.

Fred and I are really deep into swing dancing. We go to the firehall almost every Friday night to dance to the music of the “Swinging Five and all that Jive.” They play all of that 1940’s music on kazoos. They are really popular in our neighborhood. The fact that they don’t charge for their performances makes it cheap to go to these dances. They have lots of food- white bread, ham, cheese, pickles and such and good soft drinks- like grape nehi and r.c. cola and squirt. Sometimes these don’t taste so good because some of these are from all of these soda plants that closed a few years ago.

We decided to buy some new furniture. We really had to. The Department of Health got a complaint from some of our neighbors that we had some bad smells coming from our house. I know that it was from the cooking that we were doing on our stove. We did not have a gas or electric stove. We just use wood. Now that Fred has a job, we have gotten a stove and a refrigerator.We were just goo lazy to go out and get them before this, but they are a time saver. Not having to stack up cords of wood is such an advantage.

I have gone back to school for my G.E.D. My education was cut short when I found out that I did not need a high school diploma to have children or to get married. I just found out that most jobs require some sort of piece of paper, so I am going back to school at the local church of What’s. Happening Now. They have the G.E.D. course in the basement in between services. I have to be a member of the church to participate. I don’t mind the services, but the passing of the plate really is not for me. I really don’t like charity, so I sometimes don’t take any money out.

This should be a fine year for us. We will be going on some sort of vacation before the girls give birth. We think that we can get to some movies and the Muli-Plex a few times, now that Fred has a discount. We have not had a vacation since we have been married. Happy Holidays to you and your family.
Fred and Ima Frump

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