Jean Jacques Crawb's Blog

THE RED GOALIE TRIUMPHANT

jeanjacquescrawb — Sun, 22 Jan 2012 14:50:04 +0000

There was no joy in Ashburn. The Red Team had not won a game since the beginning of their season. They were inexperienced in the push and shove of teams in one or two classes above them. They struggled furiously to score goals in any of these games. Their appearance in the Pittsburgh rinks was further evidence of their lack of cohesiveness and aggressiveness.
Towards the end of their travail, they began to push back and play with a sort of reckless abandon that allowed them to hit the net a few times. Although the games were not close, they began to get closer. Maybe there could be a light at the end of the tunnel that would not be a train coming towards them.
The snow had blanketed Frederick, Maryland in the morning of the game. The temperature had retreated to a winter level with dark clouds hovering above the entire area. By the time the 6:30 appointed time came and the buzzer sounded, the Red Team was on the ice waiting for an apparently experienced Rockville, Maryland team to appear.
It was said that the Maryland team came equipped with some older players and a decent record. None of this could ever be confirmed. As the puck was dropped by the referee, the small coterie of Red Team parents shouted encouragement to their young charges.
The Red Goalie stood in mute attention as the skaters came towards him in waves of spitting ice and eye popping speed. Initially, the Red Team managed some quality time down at the Maryland team’s goal. Within a few minutes, they had mesmerized the small crowd of Ashburnites with a clever goal that the defenders had no chance to stop.
This was the second time that they had been ahead in a game. However, that game did not turn out well. There was kind of a hesitancy to root too loudly, maybe to jinx the Red Team. The Maryland team continued their assault on the Red Goalie. He caught, blocked, kicked, pushed and dove numerous times to stop the puck from entering his domain. In one case, he pushed the opposing player, who stood directly in front of him to the ground, so that his vision was not impaired.
Ashburn’s team seemed to take heart from the Red Goalie’s ferocious tending of the goal. They raced down the ice innumerable times, either going towards the goal, or poke checking the puck away from the opposition. There did not seem to be any hesitation among the players, even the smaller and younger ones, to engage the opposition in combat.
All at once, the Red Team scored a second goal. This made the Maryland team even more aggressive on the ice. There were some penalties, some more pushing and shoving and a number of players were escorted to the sin bin. The pressure on the Red Team to play good defense grew. As it grew, the Red Goalie found himself splayed on the ground even more than before. He reached for blistering shots with his glove hand and seemed to anticipate where the next shot would come from.
As the last few moments of the contest approached, there was an undercurrent of joy in the Ashburn crowd. Many just held their hands together, as if to pray for the end to come quickly, and it did. The buzzer sounded and the entire Red Team rushed out onto the ice and piled on the Red Goalie, like lion cubs playing with each other. They had achieved their aim, to win against a superior team and reach the next level of accomplishment.
After the locker room emptied out, each with a huge bag of equipment, the Red Goalie exited with an even larger goalie bag. He had on a black pull down hat and a grand smile for everyone. He was standing there with much congratulatory handshakes and high fives from members of the crowd and from the opposing team. He looked over at me and said, “Hi Grandpa, and we hugged.”

THE UNIVERSE

jeanjacquescrawb — Sat, 21 Jan 2012 17:28:48 +0000

As a kid, I was always fascinated by the vastness of the universe. In my early years, I would question the world infinite. It would come out in math class once in a while as the last number. “What’s the number after infinity?” “How can numbers go on forever? There has to be an end to things.”
As the brain develops its capacity to understand more conceptualizations, it allows a person to, at least, approach the idea of the vastness of space and of the universe. I would spend countless boring moments in classes trying to calculate how miles there were to a light year. I did this infinitely. It always came out to somewhere close to 6 trillion miles.
Whether it is true or not, I would then multiply that number by 4.5 because the distance to the nearest star (not our sun) was about that distance. I believe the star was Alpha Centauri (but I could be wrong).There is now more accurate ways of determining distances between points in our universe. The measurements run into the 1000 light years, million light years and a billion light years. The astronomers don’t really use this measurement anymore. They use parsecs (whatever that is).
I got an email from Norm Adams, by son-in-law’s father with a startling view of the vastness of the universe. In 2007, the Hubbell Telescope focused its lenses on a part of the sky that was entirely devoid of light. The lens of the telescope was opened for ten days. When the eventual pictures were viewed, the galaxies shown numbered in the hundreds of millions. That was the number of galaxies.
These galaxies being so far away seemed to be traveling much faster than others. It may mean that they were some of the first to be created after the Big Bang. That means that they could be over 13 billion years old. Their light takes that long to get to us.
I am not claiming that anything above is accurate (the numbers that is). However, it does make my think that the primary election in South Carolina means absolutely nothing in universal terms.

YIDDISHISMS

jeanjacquescrawb — Sun, 08 Jan 2012 23:01:59 +0000

It is either an advantage or a hindrance to think partially in another language. Sometimes, an English word does not come to mind in a certain situation and a Yiddish phrase comes out without hesitation. I can quickly retreat from its utterance and wonder where it came from.
From ages 4-11, the lingua franca in our home with grandma was Yiddish. My grandma, who actually raised me pretty much during those years, the Yeshiva, that I went to and all of my grandmothers and grandfathers friends spoke Yiddish. I was taken to the 2nd Avenue Theater many times to see plays in Yiddish. I really didn’t understand the plot of MacBeth, but there was much caterwauling from the audience.
I have memories of many idiomatic expressions from those days that come out once in a while; when my mind wanders (which is does more of these days). I know that most of you will not understand the expressions and wonder why they even exist may recognize a few. Please excuse all of the Yiddish misspellings.
Chutzpah- gall (sometimes not a nice thing)
Gei cock in yam- go defecate in the ocean (get the heck out of here)
Mychl in bychl- warm feeling in your tummy
A shanda- a real shame
Getzigineh bupkes- deep friend nose pickings ( pretty much mean has nothing)
Frume Yiddlach- really religious Jews
Dreikop- one who turns your head around when speaking
Schmulzavel- a real jerky kid
Pishacks- warm pee ( as in some beers are . ..)
Guggle Muggle- concoctions with beer and cream for an upset stomach, cold, diphtheria, t.b. and so many others
Shvenger- pregnant
Zul Zein Sha- be quiet
Malach Hamawvet- Angel of Death
Shpilkes in Hintin- Needles in your rump ( you have no patience)
Moshe Kapair- Moses opposite ( a contrarian)
Kook mir on uber reer mir nicht on- Look but don’t touch
Zaftig- soft ( refers to a nice girl with a few pounds)
Nicht far dir gedacht- It isn’t for you ( when said quickly it means a bad person)
Fang shoen un- begin already
Shoene Maidle- Nice girl
Yeshiva Bocher- student at a Yeshiva ( Jewish Parochial School)
Shnorer- Freeloader ( as in Hello my Name is Shnorer the African Explorer- Groucho Marx and the music from You Bet Your Life Quiz show)
A Bubba Meise- A grandmother’s tale ( a great exaggeration)
Fertz Futz Putzgevit an Ainekle- a really distant relative
Varf shoen aroise- Throw it out
Chalerye- actually Cholera ( means a bad person)
Pruste Yung- common person

Chelm- mythical Polish town ( filled with dopey people) from Shalom Aleichem’s stories.
Alte Cocker- old man ( sometimes means people with old ideas)
Uyb tsooris vol geven gelt, vin ich a millionaire- if trouble was money, I would be a millionaire.
And now for one PA Dutch saying ( Yiddish is 13th century German with Hebrew thrown in and PA Dutch is 17th Century German with English thrown in)
Upgekochte Brivvy Zits.- Cooked up toilet sets ( means nothing)

AN IRRATIONAL THOUGHT

jeanjacquescrawb — Sat, 07 Jan 2012 02:17:01 +0000

Once in a while, I have an irrational thought (maybe more than once in a while). I could not help but view the Iowa Caucus race between all of the Republican candidates. During the drawn out struggle and the debates that sprinkled our daily news fare, I kept on hearing a refrain that has made me wonder about such things.
Even 60 minutes gave voice to the man who has organized the “No Tax” Pledge. There are many Senators and members of the House of Representatives who have signed such a pledge. It was probably a good strategy when they were running for office. It was even better when they could go in front of the t.v. cameras and say that, “I pledged not to raise taxes and I kept my word.”
What do these actions mean exactly? If we get ourselves into a shooting war with and adversary that has the economic wherewithal to compete with us, will we then need new taxes for weapons and such and will these “Pledgenauts” not vote for a tax increase? Will they then be guilty of not abiding by the U.S. Constitution?
When a member of the federal (or even state) legislature swears to uphold the U.S. Constitution, can he/she pledge not to uphold parts of it, or even all of it? Save pledging the overthrow the government, is there something wrong with pledging ahead of time that you will do or not do something that is unconstitutional?
I placed this question in front of one of the finest legal minds that I know. Tom is able to distinguish my rants from a legal issue that I present. He was not so quick to dismiss my thoughts. He said that there have been such cases, not many, that have referred to this problem. They are not quite clear in their outcomes, but there is such an issue.
I realize that there is a difference between saying that you will not do something, like raise taxes when you are running for office, or trying to maintain your position as a legislator. That is not what I am talking about. I believe that signing a pledge that you will or will not do something that is plainly within the purview of your pledge to uphold the Constitution is something else again.
Tom reminded me that pledges and even swearing in court is not what it used to be is probably why people feel that they can just about say anything with no consequences. If I appear to sound like and old fogy right now, you are probably correct.

I CAN HARDLY BELIEVE IT

jeanjacquescrawb — Sun, 01 Jan 2012 17:25:01 +0000

I’ve been doing this blogging since September of 2009. Originally, it was supposed to be my autobiography. As I discovered later, I really don’t have enough “stuff’ in my life to fill an entire book. I began to branch out into any number of areas that I felt strongly about, or had some knowledge of.
I accumulated about 180 names on the email list that I send out to alert people to a new blog. Some have opted not to be notified and some probably send my emails to their spam folders. As I post my newest blog and send my emails, I look to see how many people have viewed them. Over the years, the most popular has been the one about Penn State and its current problems. My least viewed are those in which I go off on some philosophical rant.
Evidently WordPress has a way of tracking things that is truly amazing. Each year, they compile all of the statistics about how many people have viewed your blog. How the people arrived at your blog and where the people generally come from.
Last night I received the totals for the year 2011. I had 5,000 hits and they came mostly from the United States. Since all of my email lists are people from this country, I was astonished to find that there are almost as many coming from Canada and Indonesia. I also have hits from Europe and Australia. There are none from Africa or Antarctica.
I’d love to know who is peering in on my blog from those foreign countries. Obviously, they are English readers in Indonesia and Europe. Canada is easy to figure out. I would love to have a comment from any of those people to know what their reactions are to my blog. Once again, I am not a sensitive soul.

SHOPAHOLIC AT COSTCO

jeanjacquescrawb — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 16:56:52 +0000

I don’t think that Carol will ever allow me to go to Costco alone again. Somehow, there is a strong addictive quality to the store that I have not experienced anywhere else, other than the casino. Yes, I have been to Wal-Mart, Sam’s Club and BJ’s, but they have not affected me in that way.
Especially during the holiday season, when the temperature is a bit warmer than usual, I have this strange desire to look at the electronics at Costco. I usually begin my trek with the idea that we need to go shopping for food. After all, the 16 oz. bottle of ketchup is nearly half finished. Who wouldn’t want three bottles of Heinz Ketchup for the price of two?
The price of Jarlsburg cheese is about half the price of our regular super market. Why not by a 5 lb wedge and have it for about six months. I love Jarlsburg. Then there are the wonderful fruits and vegetables. So, there are only two of us in the house. How about a good dozen apples and for good times sake, a dozen navel oranges? How about strawberries, raspberries and blackberries in the wintertime? Aren’t they all anti-oxidants?
How many asparagus can you eat at one sitting? Let me tell you that it is infinite. Also infinite is what it does to your digestive system. We need eggs. There are two boxes with 18 eggs in each box. Just throw them into the shopping cart. They also have the most wonderful prepared items- steaks, already marinated, shrimp dishes, meatballs already to heat and serve, and so many more. I throw them all into the cart.
When I get to the dry food department, dry cereal and such, I am overwhelmed. How large a box of Cheerios or Life can I know shove into my cart? The coffee is on sale. Buy some decaf. However, they come in huge canisters. Buy them, you can never tell when we will have lots of company. Nuts, I love cashews and almonds and so does Carol.
Have I forgotten anything? I should have gotten a box of linguine, but I could not hoist it into the cart. It was too heavy. How about some steaks? I go back to the meat department and pick out about ten pounds worth of sirloin. After all, the prices here are amazing.
I wait on line and see what other people have bought. It is certainly much more than me. There are even people with two shopping carts filled with delectables. I get to the cash register and the total is $200. I blanche. I could not have spent that much for so few things. How could this happen to me.
I wheel the cart out to my car and it fills the little Prius trunk to the brim. I am saddened that I forgot toilet paper and paper towels (which would have never fit in the car). I drive home with a triumphant look on my face. I pull into the garage and start to put all of my winnings on the counter in the kitchen.
At that moment, Carol comes out and looks at the items and then looks at me and says. Dear, didn’t you remember that we will not be home all of next week?

IT’S JUST A BUSINESS

jeanjacquescrawb — Sat, 24 Dec 2011 20:09:43 +0000

Since the agreement between the players in the NBA and the owners, I have heard the expression, “It is just a business.” Players have been traded, or in some cases given away to other teams and that same refrain is heard from all sides, “It’s just a business.” Especially in the NBA’s case it is not a business. Any business that is exempt from the Anti-Trust Laws is not a business. It is something else.
The expression, “It is just a business,” is now a common cry from those who believe that anything that one does in the world of business can be rationalized by that phrase. In the current milieu, it can apply to Jon Corzine and his emptying of his clients accounts to make up for his own follies. It can be applied to the wholesale cheating done by some members of the Wall St. establishment. It can be applied to the Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac execs, who have allegedly cheated their way up the ladder of success. It can apply to other countries stealing trade secrets from us or the Chinese hacking our intellectual property.
I was disturbed to hear that Steve Jobs was a meanie to his staff members. I guess I should read his biography to really understand what he did . I know that he revolutionized the current world of technology and ways of communicating. I see that Donald Trump subscribes to that phrase, as do some of the talking heads on television.
Is it really true that you can do anything in the name of business and it is o.k.? Are we now teaching that at the Wharton School- and by the way, what class is it Meaness 101 ?
Are all successful business people crass, grasping and mean sons/daughters of a gun?
I think we have all misconstrued what these words mean. If you substitute the word “tough” for all of the other adjectives, you will come closer to the real meaning of leadership in business. Donald Trump appears mean, but is he? Is Simon Cowell really as wretched as he appears? Have we gone off the deep end trying to equate meaness with success in life? I hope that we haven’t.

THE RED GOALIE

jeanjacquescrawb — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 14:50:03 +0000

The arena is a myriad of color, both around the balconies and on the ice. The advertisers have cleverly embedded their symbols under the surface of the rink. The Zamboni crawls along the ice making dark watery marks as it glides on the surface. The game is afoot as the two referees glide onto the playing surface and test the ice to see if it is smooth. Someone brings out the goals and the two referees attach them to the posts on the ground.
After a short delay of a few minutes, the players in red come out onto the ice and skate around. The lone figure with seemingly endless padding, skates slowly to the goal at the left. He stands in front of the goal and scratches the blue rectangle in front of him with his skate. He is determined to give himself more traction when the game begins.
Of a moment, the red skaters swoop down on the padded figure and begin to pepper him with shots. The pucks are hardened circles of an unknown black material. He manages to stop most all of them with his glove, his leg, his stick and any part of his body that is handy. He gets down on his knees for some and does an almost split for some others. As the other goalie on the team goes into the net, the first goalie does splits on the ice to warm up.
The blue team then comes out onto the playing surface and magically replicates the red team’s actions. They fly around the ice and then begin to shoot at their goalie. It is rumored that their best player is their goalie. He stands tall in the net and makes most of his stops while standing. It may not be stylish, but it is effective.
Goalie is a fascinating job. One can lose as much as five pounds each game. The red goalie has said that he is famished and thirsty after each game. He consumes copious sports drink to rehydrate himself both during and after the game. The padding is simply onerous. The red goalie is about five feet two and looks to have about one hundred pounds of equipment on him. I am surprised that he does not wilt under the load.
The referee calls the two teams to the middle of the rink. The teams take their positions, sometimes angling each other while two of their rank, face each other with their curved sticks on the ground. The referee drops the puck and all hell breaks loose. There is much fast skating and passing and lots of activity in front of the red goalie’s space. He kicks away everything and probably wonders what happened to his defensemen, or to the red offense.
By the middle of the first period, the red team scores a goal on the blue goalie. A scramble had ensued in front of him and he was unable to see the puck go through to the net. The majority of the period was given to the red team’s offensive charges and their speedy little forwards. It appeared from that moment that the red goalie was going to have some easy times, but he was continually moving back and forth in front of the goal, always ready to pounce on a shot.
The first period ended with the score in favor of the Red team. The break was only one minute, a change of sides and the game was on again. A number of minutes into the period, the Blue team struck back. Although they were not in control of the game at that time, they placed the puck in an area that the red goalie could not reach. He was not happy with the outcome and you could see it. However, he let no other shots past him the rest of the time.
As the 2nd period passed its halfway point, the Red goalie gave way to a successor. This is a planned strategy. Each plays approximately ½ the game. The second goalie allowed the 2nd blue goal. With the score 2-1 the Red team pulled the goalie and played with six men to no avail and that was the final score.
The first red goalie was not happy, nor is he ever when he loses, or does not do well. He is the ultimate team player. He could hit four home runs in baseball, strike out 10 mean, score many baskets, but if his team loses, he is not happy. I love him for that for he is my grandson, the ultimate team player and red goalie.

HOLY S**T I’VE GOT DYSTHYMIA

jeanjacquescrawb — Sun, 18 Dec 2011 16:05:42 +0000

Frankly, I have been feeling quite crappy for the last month or so. I am normally a pretty upbeat guy with a positive outlook on life. I have been battling this morose and mordant feeling for the past four weeks and did not like it. I wasn’t barking at anyone, sitting and sucking my thumb, throwing dishes, or flagellating myself with a cat-o-nine tails. I was just really down.
Carol noticed it pretty much when it started to happen. Her first conclusion was that I was not eating properly, next was exercise and the third was my heart surgery last January. I was thrilled with all of those conclusions, but not enough to follow up on any of them. I limped through the daily chores of doing the laundry (in trade for handling the money), scooping some cat poop, filling the cat’s food bowl (somehow, never the water bowl) and assorted household things.
My happiness over the past month was picking up where I left off years ago, working for the Pennsylvania Association of Rural and Small Schools in my capacity as lobbyist. I thought that I would be happy with that activity and at moments, I was. I would go into town, climb the stairs to the capitol building and go about my merry affairs annoying legislators, members of the administration and newspaper people (the fount of all knowledge).
I came home every night feeling as lousy as I felt the moment I got into my car in the morning. I began to feel that I was digging myself a hole in the ground. I am not someone who refuses to go to a doctor when there is something wrong with me. Hell, I take 21 pills a day to forestall a number of eventualities. However, my first reaction was not to go to a physician.
A few days ago, I was turning the dial and happened upon a talk show with Robin Williams. He had heart surgery at some point not too long ago. He talked about his bouts of despondency and inability to get out of it. He eventually went to a doctor and spent quite a while dealing with the problem and then coming out of it.
Wow, if Mork felt the need to go to a doctor, how can I but follow his example? After some prodding from Carol, I finally got up the nerve and called our family doctor (who happens to be a very nice guy). I spoke to his scheduler and found that they had no appointments until after the first of the year. I told her my problem and she said she would have the doctor call me.
A few hours later Doctor E. called me and said that the scheduler told him what my problem was and that, “We can fix this.” I was incredulous. I was taken aback by his certainty. I did not even know what it was (and it is my body) and he was certain that he could cure me of this unknown affliction. I was bewildered and somewhat upbeat. What could he have up his sleeve and how could he diagnose over the phone.
He fit me in on a Thursday morning. The nurse did the usual weight and temperature. I was ushered into the examining room and asked some perfunctory questions. I was settling into my chair, reading a book on education, when a knock came to my ears and in walked Dr. E. He smiled at me and immediately began to tell me what was wrong with me.
“Arnold, there are various forms of a depressive state; some are caused by the change of seasons, changes in the chemistry in the brain and some as a result of heart surgery. I am thinking that you have Dysthymia caused by an imbalance in a chemical in your brain called Serotonin. It is within reason that you began to feel this just when the winter was coming on and the days started to get shorter.”
His conclusions seemed to be right on. If I was truthful, I was not happy when the sun went down at 5:30, then 5:00 and now even earlier. He told me that I should go out when it is sunny and do more exercise. I believe that I can do that. He also suggested medication that is part of a family of drugs called SSRI (I think). One of them will suit you and get you back to that normally happy you.
After all, I am already taking 21 pills, what could one more mean to the regimen. Hardly anything, I would think. The medication would take about 2 to 3 weeks to reach a positive level in my system. It appears to have little or no side effects. The nice thing is that it goes generic in January. I have often wondered why all medications seem to have negative side effects. How about a pill that you take with a positive side effect, like enabling you to be a concert pianist (even if you could not play the piano at all).

GOOD PEOPLE IN POLITICS

jeanjacquescrawb — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 01:22:50 +0000

You heard me. There really are good people in politics. I know that this will surprise most of the readers of these blogs, but it is true. As someone who has lobbied for rural education since 1977, I can tell you that all of the members of the state legislature in Pennsylvania are not crooks, soon to be crooks, charlatans, or inhabitants of jail cells somewhere in the Commonwealth.
Yes, there are some who fit the above category. I have always tried to keep away from them for fear that they will do me a favor and want one back in return at some future time. Since the organization that I am lobbying for (PARSS) has no money to give for elections, nor has a large membership ( mostly hovering about 200), there is no practical reason for legislators to listen to us most of the time.
There is however, one good reason for them to listen and that is common sense and the welfare of their constituents. That’s about all that we have to sell. Would you believe that many times that is enough? I know that is hard to believe.
For those of you who do not know, Pennsylvania is pretty much a Republican state right now. The Governor, state senate, state house, most congressman, and statewide office holders are R’s. There is even some thought that the future Republican candidate for President of the United States might carry Pennsylvania. Those are the realities of this time at the end of 2011.
All of that said, however, there is something else going on in the legislature. Firstly, the top leadership of the Republican Party comes from very rural areas of the state. I have known both of them for quite a number of years and find them to be pretty reasonable at times. Their actions are mostly party driven, but they also have an eye to the folks back home. That is where reason steps in.
It is difficult to be in the party of the governor and refuse to do something that he has run on. The current crop of members of the House of Representatives is now sprinkled with over 75 members who are new and those who are serving their first terms. They are not yet convinced that the administration or the leadership can tell them what it is that they must do. I have been surprised that there are so many questions on each issue.
This is not to say that this is true only on the Republican side. It is equally true on the Democratic side, but they do not have control of either of the two houses or the Governor’s chair.
Since most of our constituent school districts are rural, they are represented by Republicans. Many of them reflect their areas- conservative in many ways, but not ideologues. They have their constituents in mind most of the time and get a great deal of response on issues from the people in their communities. They do a great deal of traveling because of the size of their districts and see many of the small towns and townships that they represent. They have a feel for their communities.
After spending three weeks in the capitol, I am impressed with the many newer members that I have met. Most of them are not didactic, or ensconced in their philosophies. Yes, they do use the conservative terminology that really describes very little, but they listen and they listen carefully and argue. I was told this morning that I was very blunt. Yes, that is probably true, but it was in the context of a discussion (read argument).
My advice, if you can call it that is not to tell them how to vote. I implore them to ask questions, and they do. They are not fearful of retribution from leadership, nor from the administration. One rural legislator told me that the governor called him on his cell phone. Somehow, he knew that the governor was in Philly and he noticed a 215 area code (that’s Southeast PA). He was tempted not to take it, but did and told the governor that he was not on board with the program.
Do I hold hope for the future on many issues that I hold dear? I am not sure, but I know that these guys and girls will, at least, give any of these issues a fair hearing. That is what they want for their own ideas and bills.